Greetings everyone,

I have an interesting story to share with you about how I found love. When I was forty one years old I was splitting up with my umpteenth boyfriend, already divorced twice and still longing for love. I thought my prayers were answered when I ran into a friend from Ireland that I hadn’t seen in months and as we chatted I felt an unusual rush in my chest. This feeling seemed unique and had a bliss moment attached to it and I asked my friend if he was experiencing the same thing, which he was. Yes, we were both into spiritual, new age subjects and just assumed it was one of those spiritual, new age things.

The next morning I woke up not with bliss but with a painful sense of longing for love and wanted my Irish friend to connect with me, but he couldn’t because he was married. My pain increased and became a feeling that I could not reason away with my mind or overcome with any form of escape. All I could do was face myself and the pain within, which was to become the foundation of the work I do with clients.

The pain within is not an easy feeling to experience, but as I began this inner journey to heal I realized that the inner work of what I was doing was the true work of Self Transformation. I realized that as my desire for love was reaching a feverish pitch, my defenses, the tough side of me, which thought she could live without love, was falling away. Vulnerability was taking over and I was crying like a baby from just wanting love.

I realized that my Irish friend was a soulmate, a catalyst for me to face this hurt that had ruled my life and caused me to wander from relationship to relationship which were always with a type of man that was cold and emotionally unavailable, much like my mother was.

So for two months I was an emotional wreck, until one day the pain had reached the core and instead of torture I suddenly experienced a spiritual shift. I felt that I wasn’t separated from love and that God not only loved me but I was connected to God and the world. My inner self was elated and the pain was gone and I was freed from longing that my Irish friend would leave his wife for me. The next day, on a blind date that was arranged out of the blue, I met the man who later would become my husband.

We have been together over fourteen years now. Every day this man lets me know how much he loves me, so different from my previous marriages, or relationships. As soon as I changed at the core inside, my outside reality shifted and brought me the love that was right for me. Many people that I work with have the same challenges that I experienced. They live a repeating cycle of going for the same type of person, one who is unavailable emotionally. Most women get stuck in over giving to their man, while he in turn takes and takes and becomes quite spoiled and selfish. Such women will often just continue giving until drained dry, and then often find themselves abandoned in the end.

The secret to a successful relationship starts with the relationship you have with yourself. When there is an inner sense of love, respect, worth and spontaneity, one will radiate that and the external world will respond. But most of us don’t have a real sense of worth so we pull on our partners to keep giving us the worth that we felt in the first six months of meeting. Many shaky marriages can still be turned around because people don’t stop loving each other; they just run out of energy to feed the other because they let their inner wells run dry. A woman who lives with an insecure man is not helping him if she is constantly over pleasing and trying to comfort his insecurity by caving into his jealous demands. If she stops being herself then she will emotionally lose her sense of self and slavishly cater to his festering insecurity that never gets better. So then she is trying to get her worth by over pleasing and he is trying to get his security by over needing and they both end up with nothing but feeling hooked in a stuck pattern.