Valentine's Day 2010
Bonnie
9 February 2010
February brings us Valentines Day. The hype is all about hearts and flowers, candy, and the best place to go have dinner. Truth be told – that puts a lot of pressure on people, as well as expectations. Will he/she? Won’t he/she? What if I don’t have someone in my life? What if I recently broke up with my partner? What if my partner has crossed over? Hmmm – Valentine’s Day does not look so cut and dried easy now.
Historically, Valentine’s Day is celebrated on February 14th, and is in honor of Saint Valentine, an early Christian martyr. Emperor Claudius II had decreed that young men could not marry (as he needed them to stay single and serve in his army). Valentine felt that this was unjust, and continued to marry young lovers in secret. He was put to death when the Emperor found out.
A nice twist to the above version of Valentine’s Day is that the priest himself is thought to have sent the first Valentine card, while he was in prison. It was sent to a young girl – possibly his jailor’s daughter – that visited him in prison. Allegedly, before his death he sent her a letter signed “From Your Valentine” – a phrase still in use today.
Is Valentine’s Day a celebration honoring the death of Saint Valentine, or is it held in mid-February so that the Christian church could “christianize” the celebration of the Lupercalia, a Pagan fertility festival.
What we know for sure is that Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, a day on which many people choose to become engaged (or get married) - when flowers, candy, and cards are the order of the day for those in love. In fact, they are so much the order of the day that this day has become just as commercial as Christmas or Easter.
Where do we want to place the importance of this day? It is a celebration of love between two people – that is the importance of this day. The importance is not on the flowers, the candy, the cards, or the dinner out – all of these things are simply expressions of the love that we have for another person. We can celebrate this day in a manner that is meaningful to us without stressing out, or going into debt.
- Know what would make your partner happy – and try to do that in a way that will also make you happy.
- Be realistic about your budget for this celebration – whether it is planned as a weekend getaway, a night out on the town, or a cozy dinner and movie at home.
- Bring out the good china, the expensive glassware, wine of your choice (does not have to be expensive!), pretty candles, and cook food that makes you happy. You may find a hot dog and potato salad on your plate, if that’s what you like. Your “good china” might be disposable, to leave time for other things, your wine may be green tea - whatever you and your partner enjoy is what should be on the menu.
- Don’t just send your loved one a card – include a letter telling them how much you appreciate them, and what a difference they have made in your life.
- Know that a gift of time and attention means much more than any expensive gift will ever mean. Material things come an go – the “memory moments” of life stay with us forever.
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What if, like many of us, you are single on Valentine’s Day? This can be a very had day for someone who is not in a relationship. You not only don’t want to go out and do anything (because you will keep running into happy couples!), but you are feeling alone and perhaps lonely (two different things).
- Celebrate your love for yourself. Before we can love someone else on anything more than a surface level, we need to accept and love ourselves. Nurture yourself – schedule a spa day (or just go have your nails done). Have your hair colored professionally. See that movie or play you have been wanting to see (you can go with a friend). Make yourself a dinner that pleases you (or order in take out!), and serve yourself on your best china, with lit candles on the table. Watch a movie that you have wanted to watch for a long time. Listen to music of your choice while you sip a glass of wine. Treat yourself as you would wish to be treated!
- Get together with some single friends and do something that brings you all joy.
- Take a bubble bath, with scented candles lit and a nice glass of wine in your hand.
What if you have just broken up with your boyfriend? This is a very hard day for those that have broken up with their boyfriends (or just gotten divorced.) Getting your own sense of self back is most important here.
- Write a letter to your ex, telling him how you feel. Allow all of your emotions to come out. Release all of the feelings that you have for him into this letter – then burn it (in a fireplace or other safe receptacle!).
- Remove everything that reminds you of them from your sight (or your home).
- Nurture yourself – do something for yourself, love yourself as you want to be loved.
What if your partner has crossed over? It doesn’t matter if they have just crossed over, or it has been years, Valentine’s Day will always bring back the memory of your time together. The memories are good memories, but the pain that accompanies the fact that they are no longer physically there – well, that is painful. Honor yourself, and them, on this day.
- Write them a letter, or a poem, or a song, or sketch a picture in their honor.
- Donate time on this day to an organization that both of you supported.
- Buy yourself roses, and a nice bottle of wine.
- Watch a movie that you both would have enjoyed.
- Remember the good times, and laugh at the absurd.
- Be good to yourself, as they were good to you.
Make Valentine’s Day a joyous day for yourself and your loved one. Treat yourself well, treat them well, love from your heart, and soar on the wings of happiness.
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