Ask Jeanmarie: Valentines Day Advice
Jeanmarie (Witchster)
8 February 2010
Dear Jeanmarie,
I just read your advice about dreaming of a loved one and enjoyed your response and would like your help. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and I need your help!! I’ve had problem relationships all my life, men who have used me for financial gains, men who did not want to commit to a so called “serious relationship” who thought I was coming on too strong. Since April of last year I’ve been in a wonderful relationship. I have to keep pinching myself to make sure it’s real and I am not dreaming. He is just so good to me. Since I’ve been accused of coming on too strong I’ve adjusted a bit. One such person who has accused me of this is the person who introduced me to this wonderful man, so I’ve taken his advice to heart and have been letting my man take the lead role and I must say it’s been great. But valentines day is coming and I want to do something special for him since he is always the one doing the special things. What do you advise…please tell me what I can do that will not seem “too hot and heavy” or “over the top”. I don’t want our relationship to change, I don’t want to turn him off.
Lacy F.
Hi Lacy,
Thank you for writing. As you have been together less than one year, you should keep it simple. A CD, DVD, book or collectible (if he is a collector of anything), or a card with an invitation to a romantic, candlelight homemade dinner, or a batch of his favorite homemade cookies, all come to mind. Keep it classy and elegant, in good taste.
A good "rule of thumb" is not to give more than you can give without feeling resentment. If a relationship does not last you don't want to be recounting all you have done and sacrificed. That could mean you tried too hard or did too much, or loved too much.
Choose a card that expresses love, appreciation and affection, but not one that says "I love you" unless you have already spoken those words between you. Let him tell you first.
Valentines Day is a good time to reflect and concentrate on what "Love" is. Maybe even discuss and brainstorm with each other about the definition of "Love", recounting all you have heard about "Love". "Love conquers all", "Love hurts", "You can't hurry love", "All you need is love", "It's all in the name of love (the joy and the sorrow)". Volumes have been written, and still we get "Confused about a simple thing as love".
Some confuse love with passion or warm fuzzy feelings, but feelings can be fickle. Others fear the word "Love". For them it spells obligation, responsibility and fear of being held accountable or made to feel guilty. ( i.e. "If you loved me you would do this or not do that") This reduces "Love" to "emotional blackmail". It should be "give and receive", not "give and take", which implies one person giving and having to take to get anything in return.
When he says "I love you", what does that imply to you? How does it change your expectations of him? What is he implying?
"Love" is not a feeling or an emotion. It is a word. What becomes important is, what connection does the word imply?
Theophile Gautier said,"To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind." When you love someone, you know it, regardless of how you may feel from day to day, or even if you aren't feeling it from time to time.
Love thoughtfully, mindfully, respectfully and responsibly and all will be well!
I wish you happiness, especially on Valentines Day!
Namaste and Blessed Be,
Your Witchster,
Jeanmarie
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