Personal Empowerment – Forgiveness

Lilith
22 April 2009

This week we are going to be looking at the role forgiveness plays in our life. Sometimes the hurt comes from the outside – from the words or actions of another person (or group of people). Sometimes the hurt comes from the inside – we say or do something that we know is wrong, and we cannot let go of punishing ourselves. Wherever it comes from, if we hang on to the hurt and anger, our resentment grows, as do thoughts of revenge. These thoughts take over our life, and keep us from experiencing peace and joy, and from creating any kind of future. We are mired in the time of the hurt, and cannot move forward.

Forgiveness can be defined as the conscious decision to let go of hurt and resentment. When we let go of something, there is a hole left. So, for me, the second part of forgiveness is extending unconditional love to the other person/people or issue that caused the hurt. You are cutting the cords that bind you to what happened, so that you can move on. Your feelings of hurt and resentment no longer have any power over you.

Releasing resentment does something else very magical – it allows us to see the person or situation from a different perspective. We can begin to see the why of their words/actions and we can begin to feel compassion for them. This does not mean that you forget what happened, or that you condone what happened. It means that you put it in its proper perspective.

I think that each of us has at one time or another experienced the act of not being able to forgive. What that did was create stress that we could recognize, and perhaps some other physical symptoms that we did not recognize, or did not connect to our anger. These symptoms include inability to control our anger, turning to addictive substances (such as alcohol, drugs or food) to find a few moments of peace, experiencing increased blood pressure, experiencing depression or anxiety, inability to sustain friendships, and an inability to sustain a connection with the Divine.

When we are able to forgive, we experience a better lifestyle. We can control our anger, we have no need for addictive substances to cover the pain, we are able to make and sustain friendships, we experience less stress, we have lower blood pressure, we reconnect with the Divine and experience peace and joy in our life.


If forgiveness gives us a better quality of life, why do we have the need to hold on to grudges and resentment? One big factor here is that those who are able to hurt us are generally those that are closest to us – family members, friends, co-workers and significant others. We trust these people, and when they hurt us, we see that as a betrayal of that trust. Hurt leaves us open to the negative feelings of anger, resentment, sadness and confusion. So how do we know when to forgive?

It is time to forgive when you cannot live life the way you are living it any more. When you recognize that your entire focus is on the past, and on the hurt that you experienced. When you realize that you are losing friends, and that people around you are avoiding you because of your negativity. When you constantly feel misunderstood, when you are feeling the symptoms of depression, or when an addictive substance has taken over your life.

How do you begin the process of forgiving (and it is a process)? You have to want to change, and you have to be willing to work at that change over time. Stop and think about what forgives can bring to you, and how it will change your life for the better. Review the situation, how you reacted, and the impact this had on your life. Forgiveness is the process of changing the belief patterns that the hurt brought about.

Be willing to forgive without any expectations. Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that you will reconcile with them. One thing to remember here is that when you forgive you are healing yourself, and your life. The other person/people have to do that for themselves. You will know within yourself when you have forgiven someone because you will feel a sense of peace and ease that wasn’t there before.

When you are the person who caused the hurt, you want forgiveness from the other person, but you also need to be able to forgive yourself. Saying “I’m sorry” is a first step in this process. However, if you are unable to do this because it will cause more pain, and more trouble, the simply make peace with yourself over the issue. Forgive yourself, and move on.

Some of the best advice on forgiveness comes from Mother Teresa, who said: “If we really want to love, we must learn to forgive.”

Books that may be helpful in working through forgiveness include: “Forgiveness Is A Choice: A Step By Step Process For Resolving Anger And Restoring Hope” (by Robert D. Enright), “Forgiveness: How To Make Peace With Your Past And Get On With Your Life” (by Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon), and “Forgiveness” The Greatest Healer Of All” (by Gerald G. Jampolsky and Neale Donald Walsch).

Each week, we are going to hear from the voice of one of our oracle allies. This week we are visiting the Faerie Wisdom Oracle. The card that wished to speak was the Faerie Queen of Summer. This Queen advises us that: “The sun will not set on dreams. Your life absorbs the color of your thoughts.” Dream the big dreams – and dream them in Technicolor!

Next week we will be discussing how our thoughts create our reality.

May your week be filled with joy and peace.

Best Wishes,
Lilith 

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